Sometimes clients ask me questions directly addressing me, some personal questions. It can be either about my thoughts, feelings or facts about me. There are many ways a therapist can respond to that. I always want to hold my clients’ needs and best interest in the forefront and often when someone asks me a question of this sort I am eager to explore their reasons and feelings behind the question. It is rarely the case that a direct answer is the most satisfying solution. Yet it can be challenging to find the right way to communicate it. The act of answering can be more important than the content of the answer.
I recently read this passage from Michael Kahn that resonated with me and since I like having his sentiment linger with me in these moment of interactions with clients, I wanted to quote it here for you :
“Sometimes I need to decline to answer a question about my feelings towards the client. At such times I console myself with the knowledge that my clients probably know more about my attitudes towards them than I do, anyway. For months or years they have been watching me, listening to me, gauging my tone of voice, following the changes in my eyes, noticing when I look sad and concerned, and when and how I smile or laugh. I know only my conscious feelings and attitudes; they, I suspect, know much more”. (Kahn: Between Therapist and Client: A New Relationship)
